FUN FUN GAMES
DIVIT PENTATHLON
Did you get a quadruple bogey again? Are you sick and tired of having to get your golf balls out of the drink? Is your 78 above par score just not good enough?
If you answered YES to any of the above questions, we have the game for you! The DIVIT PENTATHLON is the perfect way to get back at the golf course that stole your dignity and self-respect! Just don't try it on any golf course that you ever plan to visit or play on again.
Let the incredibly not respecting the code of golf edicate fiasco begin!
You all know what a divit is. Its that chunk of sod and earth that too often flies farther than your ball does when you're golfing. Obviously, you know how to make them too, but we'll tell you anyway!
Select your club (an high iron or wedge for beginners, making quality divits with woods is much more difficult). Place the ball on a tee on the surface that is to be divitized. Swing the club back with as much force as possible and strike the ground at least 3 inches in front of the ball. Now, watch your divot fly!
Divits are judged on 5 characteristics which make up the pentathlon:
#1: Surface Area
The grass surface of the divit shall be measured in square inches, or feet once you get really good. Largest surface area wins the category.
#2: Mass
This category was changed from weight after the tragic confrontation of '93. Divits shall be massed out (with the tee, if it is still attached) in kilograms. Greatest mass wins the category. Any attempt to remove any dirt from the divit will result in expulsion from the event and a severe beating with the club of choice.
#3: Distance
This is by far the most glorifying of all the categories. There is nothing quite like watching a chunk of grass and dirt soar through the air and take out a low flying bird. Distance will be measured in yards.
*If the ball flies farther than the divit, the divitor shall be disqualified and will be forced to live in shame for the remainder of their pitiful existence.
#4: Hang Time
This is how long the thing is in the air.
#5: Velocity
This means how fast the divit flies, for all of you smart people out there. It helps to have a radar gun on hand, but if not, you can just have that drunk guy at the other end of the street that always calls you Elmer guess which one went the fastest.
The World Record is held by Senor Najaro Chavez, a poor Llama farmer from Chile. Senor Chavez's divot was the size of a Mexican Taxi, or a VW Bug, the mass was also that of a Mexican Taxi too. The divot travelled an unprecedented 104 yards, beating the record of 27 yards. The hang time was three and a half minutes. The velocity was 650 knots, the equivilant of a 747-400 at cruising altitude. He won the Divot Award and is gonna compete this year.
Full Contact Golf: Rules and Regulations
In the game of golf, physical contact is forbidden. Unless of course, you want to be disqualified. This is truly a shame. Now, for all of you hot headed Jack Nicklaus' out there, there is a revolutionary new sport created by a less-then sane 17 year old:
FULL CONTACT GOLF!!!
Here's how it works:
Two teams will face off at the tee.
These teams will consist of six players.
Each member will carry two clubs and will be assigned a special task. (i.e.-Drivers, or Putters)
The start of the game is initiated with a "Jump Ball", like that in basketball.
The team that wins the "Jump Ball" throws the ball or hits it, if they favor hitting the ball, as far as they can.
They two teams charge forward once the ball comes to a rest.
The team that grabs the ball first has possession and may pass, hit or kick the ball.
In the instance of hitting the ball, the other team can gain possession without intercepting a pass or picking up a kick.
If the ball ends up in the sand-trap, the two "hazard clearer" from each team must jockey for the best and fastest hitting style.
If the ball ends up in the water hazard, the two "hazard clearers" must jump in the water and find the ball.
Upon recovery of the ball, the "hazard clearer" must place it on the shore opposite of the green, also known as the score zone, and back into play.
Tackles may occur during hitting, passing, and when the two "hazard clearers" are working.
Scoring can occur three ways:
The first way to score is to putt the ball into the hole, the score is based on the par of the particular hole.
The second way to score is to tackle the opponents putter(1 point)
The third way to score is to kill a bird or a small mammalian creature, also known as course targets(3 points)
Green rules:
The putter must work quickly because the opposite team can tackle him on the green.
If a tackle damages the green in anyway, the tackling team will be penalized 5 points.
The ball may not be intercepted on the green.
The putter loses possession of the ball if he is tackled more then twice.
The Teams play a full 18 holes.
"Hey you!"
This is a game to play when you are in a crowded place. It works best with 2-3 people, but any number of people can play. First, make sure you are in a crowded place, such as a mall, amusement park, or a retirement home. Then you simply yell "Hey you!" see who looks. Additional phrases to the end such as "Yeah, you" or "The one in the red shirt" are extra points.
Scoring is as follows:
1 point for each person who looks around, 2 points if they make eye contact with you.
3 points for a reaction from the opposite sex
5 points for workers (police, clerks, attendants, riot patrol, etc.)
10 points for anyone who replies, such as "Yeah?" or "Who, me?"
1 point for each additional phrase tacked on after "Hey you!"
Automatic loss if you are escorted away by any form of authority Winner is determined by who got the most points, or for simplicity, the most reactions. Or you can just play without score and its just as fun.
"HIT THE DECK"
Shout "HIT THE DECK" at any random time. Last person to jump down gets punched by the other people playing,
We all got tired of arguing over who should answer the phone.
we instituted the flinch rule:
whenever the phone rings, every stops dead, mid bite, mid piss, what ever is happening must stop.
Whoever flinched when the phone rang had to get it
Whoever moves at all has to get the phone.
Sometimes we would all be stopped, and some bud would come through the front door, see us and just sigh then go and answer the phone.
The I Love You Daddy,dont leave mommy game.
How to play: You have to be in a hangout place where everyone is,and if you see a man talking to some "fine" lady (as you men call them)go up to him and tell him.............
I LOVE YOU DADDY, DONT LEAVE MOMMY. REMEMBER YOU GUYS ARE STILL MARRIED.
For your own safety i suggest you play this game with a big group of muscular people.
Scoring:
2 Points if the guy turns around
4 Points if he says something to you
6 Points if the women leaves
10 points if he beats you down (this is where the big group comes in handy)
25 Points if you come out alive!
